Talked to my mom on the phone Tuesday. She had just come back from Thailand, and said it was beautiful & all the people she met were very nice. A great relief to me, as I had been worried sick that a trip to such a far away place might not be a positive experience for her in her condition.
During our conversation I mentioned to her that I wanted to pick her up Friday morning for an overnight visit. Asked her to run it by my sister in law (since mom cannot be left alone at this point, I've got to be sure the pick-ups and drop-offs happen at a time when my sister in law is home). Mom said my sister in law was busy but my brother was right there, so she put me on the phone with him. He & I don't speak anymore, but the important issue at the time was for me to just run the plan by someone other than my mom (she forgets things easily). Talked to my brother for a minute or so about my plans, then got back on the line with my mom.
A few minutes later, I heard my brother's wife's voice in the background. My mom was about to put her on the phone with me, then I heard her saying "no, I don't want to talk to her." Then she scolded my mom & said that she should not have put me on the phone with my brother. "I take care of you", she said. "She needs to talk to me, not him." She scolded my mother for allowing two of her children to talk to each other. My mother who doesn't understand the depth of the ugliness her son & his wife have directed at her other children. My mother who just wants her children to get along. Who the fuck does she think she is, SCOLDING my mother?!
Mom didn't feel much like talking after that, so our phone conversation ended abruptly. I told her I loved her, missed her, and that I would call later in the week to confirm the plans for Friday (since the "she needs to talk to me" lady didn't want to talk to me).
Now it's Thursday night. I called five times today. Voicemail every time. No one is calling me back. I've cried, gotten furious, suffered an incredible case of road-rage, broken my plans for this evening because I don't think it's the best idea for me to be around crowds of people (concert in a small club), cried some more, and now I'm just sitting here.
I've been told by a wise & reasonable friend that there is nothing more I can do tonight. Just calm down. In the morning, call again. If there is no answer, drive the 75 miles to their house. Then what? Either they are home & I bring her here for a visit, or they are not home & I'm contacting Adult Protective Services. I have every right to see my mother, and she wants to see me just as badly. This is bullshit. Considering contacting extended family as well, to give them a clear picture of what's going on over here. Hoping someone, ANYONE will back me up. I'm too tired to fight them alone. I need fucking help. This may backfire on me. There goes that black sheep again, opening the closet doors wide & showing everyone the family skeletons. Sweep them under the carpet like a good girl. Fuck that.
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Comments:
That's bullshit. I don't give a fuck what is going on, your sister in law had no FUCKING right to say that not only you should not talk to her mother, but to your brother as well. This shit is all her, and this has to be ended.
Posted by: Daryle September 30, 2005 at 05:54 PM
I know it's all her. I left a message for my brother last night as well. He left me a voicemail this morning telling me this weekend was not a good time for me to take my mom for a visit, and asked me to call him back on his cell.
I called back & he updated me on my mom's condition. She's got some new behaviors they're struggling with. The biggest problem right now is that she is awake at night & wants to sleep during the day. Taking her out for even short trips to the store is difficult, as she walks for 10 minutes or so then wants to sit down and rest.
They're taking her to the doctor next week to see if her medication can be adjusted so she will sleep at night. I'm going out of town next weekend, so the weekend after may be a good time for me to have her over.
My brother & I talked for a while & he gave me his email address. We can communicate through that without my sister-in-law knowing we're talking to each other. It's a start. Obviously there are several decisions my brother has made that I disagree with & that have caused me a great deal of pain. I don't know if these problems can be resolved or not, but it's certainly not going to happen if his wife keeps interferring.
Posted by: Alchemy September 30, 2005 at 07:55 PM
