Things are beginning to get weird. I knew it would happen. I was telling friends a year ago that I have been holding back for the sake of my mom & all - keeping the craziness on a very short leash because of my duty as her caregiver. What craziness, you say? Well, it's hard to describe, but I have this knack for getting into bizarre situations & meeting the most interesting people in very random ways. Those who have known me a long time will vouch for the existence of said craziness, and may be able to describe it more clearly. Maybe not, as their usual comment to me is simply "you're crazy". Anyhow, now that my mom is safe in her new environs, I've allowed the craziness to be unleashed, and it's taking off at full speed like a 100 lb. dog that's just seen a rabbit in the bushes.There is a contract on the house. The terms indicate a quick closing. Basically, I've got to leave in 30 days. As independent as I can be, I would really like some help with loading all my shit into the U-Haul & driving it across the country (towing my car behind it). My brother does not want to make the drive in winter. His wife told me today that I should leave my stuff in storage & come out anyway. Sorry, I love them both dearly but my response to that would have to be a resounding FUCK YOU!!! My life has been on hold for well over a year. I have spent the better part of six months hauling clutter (60 cubic yards worth) into a dumpster, cleaning, packing, and painting. Physical exertion to the point where I thought I had done permanent damage to my right arm. One night last week, I could not pick up a full coffee pot. No pain, but it might as well have weighed 500 pounds. My arm simply could not lift it. Mentally, physically, and emotionally, I am tapped. Exhausted. I have done the best I could for this house that I love, and now I'm preparing to leave it forever & go someplace foreign to me, where I have some friends, but yet I struggle with the fear that I won't be accepted & that I'll fail at whatever grand plan it is that I'm trying to orchestrate. So please, do not ask me to leave my stuff here & retrieve it later. Cruel thing to ask of me, really. Really. I won't rant. I'll just drive the damn truck by myself if I have to. Watch me.
Anyhow, 4 weeks. The clock is ticking & I may not have a roommate now. More craziness. It's ok either way, it's just odd - not knowing if a month from now I will live in a 2 bedroom or a studio. A 3000 mile drive - possibly alone. Living arrangements & employment once I get there are unknown. It's like a roll of the dice. Who the fuck knows what's going to happen.
Oh, one more thing about the craziness. I feed it. Once it starts, it snowballs. Coincidence, synchronicity, luck, and sheer will combine & the mixture is pretty potent. This has so much potential.
http://www.ladyalchemy.com/
Comments:
Those challenges are what makes life so exciting though. The fear of the unknown is a fear that's intoxicating...a feeling I crave sometimes. Embrace it all. Even the craziness. You'll land on your feet. (hug)
Posted by: flamingheart January 28, 2005 at 12:33 AM
Hoping I do land on my feet. I'm going to try! Thanks for the hug. :)
Posted by: Alchemy January 31, 2005 at 09:30 PM
your time is NOWwhat was that worry.......?
you will be MORe than accpeted!!beleive me:)your an alchemist!
Posted by: astar February 01, 2005 at 05:39 PM
