Getting Out of Here

Ok, it's been 5 full days with the family & I've had enough. Leaving at 4pm today to head off to Hollywood & take care of some business over the next few days. Not a moment too soon. See, they're trying to trap me in a power struggle now, my mom & my sister-in-law. Mom is not happy with having the rules of someone else's house imposed on her, and my sister-in-law is beside herself that she cooks & cleans & cares for Mom 24/7, yet receives very little appreciation in return. They are each trying to paint a picture of the other as the bad guy, and seeking my support. What they don't seem to realize is that because I love & support them both, I refuse to see the situation in terms of black & white, 100% right or wrong. They both need to learn to compromise. I will not be put in a position of mothering them. This alternate clinging to me & then taking shots at me when I don't totally agree does nothing but piss me off. I refuse to carry the guilt they're trying to throw at me. It's too damn heavy & doesn't help anyone. Ugh. My head is starting to hurt. Things will work themselves out I'm sure, but I really need to get out of here so they can start dealing with each other instead of running to me. Sort it out. I will help when & where I can, but I will not be the family's martyr & mediator. It's not healthy & it's certainly not my purpose in life.

On a lighter note, I'm leaving in 2 1/2 hours to go apartment hunting! WOOO HOOO!!! :D

www.ladyalchemy.com

Rain, Rain, Go AWAY!!

I thought it never rains in California. It rained all night & we might get up to an inch here in the desert before it ends. It's snowing in other places & I think I heard about flooding in downtown L.A. - not sure as I was pretty groggy & just hearing bits & pieces from the tv as I slept on the couch. In any case, this storm is really screwing up my day. Had plans to pick up some furniture down near San Diego & transport it to a storage unit in Hollywood. Would have been an all-day trip & I had my brother & Michael enlisted to help. I'm leery of leaving the furniture - already paid for - and going back to New Jersey, but the seller seems like a really nice guy & we can't help the weather.

In the grand scheme of things, I've no right to complain. Death toll from the Dec. 26th tsunami has climbed to 40,000 people now & it will probably keep rising. Hard to imagine a wave that large coming in with practically no warning, and amazing that some were able to escape it & tell their stories. We have extended family over in Thailand, but they live some 500 miles away from the coastline that got hit. Our thoughts go out to those who lost loved ones.

Got two recipes from my sister in law today, one for soup & one for Chow Mein, both made from scratch. Mmm. She made the soup for lunch yesterday & it was incredible. She made me use chopsticks & toward the end I could actually pick up the noodles without dropping them. Surprised myself. She's going to teach me to make more of the dishes & she's got to take me to the Asian stores to show me what vegetables she uses. I can't wait to settle in at the new apartment & start cooking again. I love to cook but haven't made time for it in ages.

Ok, I'm off to try & fight the rainy day boredom. I've got two books to read & there's always the internet, but I'm feeling restless & wishing today could be made more productive. I'll learn to relax one of these days.

www.ladyalchemy.com

No Porn in the Buddha Room

I must credit my brother with the title of my post today. It's his. He owns it. He has threatened to hurt me if I don't give due credit. The story behind it? His Thai wife has their altar set up in the same room as his office. She never uses the computer, but when I arrived & went to check my email, he warned me that there are porn sites on his favorites list. I don't care. Neither does she, except there is a time & a place for everything. NO PORN IN THE BUDDHA ROOM.
I made it to California for the holidays, obviously. Flight was ok. Brother remembered to pick me up at the airport & Mom waited up past midnight for me to get to the house. Aww. I'm glad to see her again. Haven't seen her since the end of August when she left NJ. So nice to be with family, surrounded by decorations & gifts & breathing in the aroma of scented candles & pine. I'm taking a ton of photos but didn't bring the software with me, so I'll edit the posts later & add some pics.

We're in the High Desert & every so often the county requires residents to clean up brush & branches & other fire hazards on their property, either through taking the stuff to the dump or controlled burning after getting same-day approval from the fire department. So basically we were allowed to be pyros for a few hours. It was fun. I took photos of that, too. Impatiently waiting for it to stop smoldering so I can wash my clothes, which smell like a camp fire. Mmm, wish we had S'mores. Eating way too much lately, and enjoying every minute of it, too.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Happy Winter Solstice!

I enjoyed the first full day of winter. Fairly warm today & my Christmas & Yule shopping is DONE! YAY!!! What a relief. Now I've just got to finish wrapping & write out the last of the cards. Tonight wasn't so bad. Started shopping around 5:30pm. Was able to hit 7 stores in four different towns & in spite of the traffic, I still got home by 10pm. Nice.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CACKASAURUS!!!

My favorite Sagicrabbyass is celebrating his birthday today. Hey, Cack, did you get my voicemail? Sorry I didn't sing. I'm shy, you know. Here's a picture of us at a Misfits show when we were babies. LMAO!

P.S. - John & Jenna, thank you for the ebay gift certificate. You ROCK! :)

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

Housepainting Hell

How many walls does this house have?! Far too many. I'll never be done painting. At least, not before I leave for the holidays. I haven't finished my gift shopping either. The girls were easy to buy for this year, but I have no idea what to get for any of the boys. Well, ok, maybe one. He's easy. But the rest? No idea. Holy crap. Stress.

I'm leaving Friday for California & it's not a moment too soon, temperature-wise. It was FIVE degrees when I woke up this morning. FIVE. That's too fucking cold!! Knock on wood, though, the oil burner is working & the house is warm.

Meanwhile, in California, my mother is driving my brother & sister-in-law crazy. She's belligerent. If she doesn't straighten up they're going to put her in a Home for Elderly Delinquents. They threatened her the other day that they would send her back to NJ to live with me. Thanks! Mom, I know you won't read this, but for the love of God (look, I even capitalized it for you!), please, stop being so defiant. I know you have a brain disease & all, but it doesn't mean you have to roll your eyes every time someone tells you to do something. It's for your own good, ok? We all love & care about you. We don't want you walking around in public in clothes that are inside out. You may not believe us when we tell you, but milk tastes much better than Malox on cereal.

You know, it's odd, this Alzheimer's. It's hard to tell sometimes where the person's personality ends & the disease begins. The line is very blurred. Like, most people who know my mother would find it hard to believe she would be disagreeable. She usually comes across as very sweet & easy-going. On the other hand, this is the same woman who, in her early twenties, caught tuberculosis, lost a lung, and was told by her doctor never to have children because her body couldn't handle the stress. She completely defied her doctor's orders & had three - the last one (me) at age 45. And we're all still kicking. So this newfound defiance of hers may not be new at all. Actually, it's sometimes funny & kind of refreshing in small doses, but not when you're exhausted from being the primary caretaker day after day. Now my sister-in-law & brother know why I used to call them crying every three months & saying I needed a break. Sigh. What do I know. It's past my bedtime.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Red Panties, Rasta Girls, and Britney

Photo taken just before leaving for John's party. The mirror is one I painted & have had for years. Ritch admired it last time he was over, so tonight I brought it to the party & told him it's his. Combination birthday, Christmas, and general "I'm going to miss you when I move" type gift. We promised he & Jody & I will get together before I leave. Other than that, the next time we'll see each other for sure will be at their wedding October 9th. I'm so happy for them!

The ornament I made for John's tree started off as Medusa but I couldn't find little rubber snakes at the craft store. Settled for curly jute doll hair and ended up with a Rasta girl. She's cute, though.

The party was awesome. Great people, delicious food, and I happened to walk in the door to Fire Woman, followed by the remaining tracks of Pure Cult. John's going to be on VH1 tomorrow. He was interviewed at his tattoo studio regarding musicians & actors with tattoos, and talked about some really cool ones who have had work done at his shop, like Angelina Jolie. Poor John doesn't find this out until much later, but it's a special show all about Britney Spears. Guess we won't hear Angelina's name mentioned, huh. Can't wait to see how out of context & butchered his interview footage is. Gotta love the fucking media. John Paras at Medusa Tattoo: http://www.medusanyc.com/.

A girl at the party tonight gave me a pair of red panties & explained that it's an old Italian tradition that you must wear red panties on New Year's Eve to ward off the Evil Eye, and you cannot buy them yourself - they must be given to you. Interesting. I'm kind of expecting some evil looks directed my way that evening, so I was very thankful. I asked her if tradition says I have to remove them myself & she laughed & said no, so I'm all for this red panties idea. Now if I can just figure out the rest of the outfit I'll be set.

Continued working in the house today. Painted & cleaned. Called California & spoke to my mom. She turned 80 today (Dec. 18th - it's late now so this will say Dec. 19th). I was told the phone rang off the hook today with people calling to wish her well. I'm glad. She deserves that. I'll be happy to see her next week. HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MOM! I love you.

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

BRRRRRRR!!!!

Twenty-five degrees is way too fucking cold for me. Not sure when I became reptilian, but I'm freezing my ass off and can't seem to get warm. If I stare at this photo of San Juan long enough, maybe... Not much time for blogging these past few days. Running around shopping & stuff. I actually made it to the gym tonight, too! Figured if I did some cardio I'd get my blood circulating & warm right up. It worked but only momentarily. I need some warm California sunshine!!

Talked to my oldest brother the other day - the one who lives in a ghost town. Verified that although he does have a phone, he does not have a computer, so I'm pretty much able to spill here without worrying about him reading it. Dude. He's fifty something years old - waaaaaay older than me, ok? I cannot stress that enough!!! - and lost his license for DUI, which then made him lose his job. The truck he is no longer allowed to drive broke down anyway, so... DUDE. How the FUCK do you get a DUI in a fucking GHOST TOWN?!?! And why - at 50-SOMETHING YEARS OLD, have you not learned and overcome these life lessons already?!?! That's the part I held back from saying, because, although true, it would have been particularly venemous & how could he possibly respond but to delve further into the depths of "why-me-isms" he is so fond of? So he calls me to explain his woeful tale & how that means he will be unable to visit with the family - a mere 7 hour drive, which in the grand scheme of things, is nothing. Shit, I've driven further for concerts, and back home the same night. I digress. He wants to know if I can get an advance on the sale of the house so he can get to CA for Christmas. Hello?! I'm running to the bank now to get a loan. Yeah right. Seriously, this is his baby sister with the hole in the garage & icicles for fingertips, both of which are far bigger problems to me than his inability to keep cold cans of Coors Light out of his hands prior to driving. Plus, Christmas is less than two weeks away. If you're going to have a crisis out there in the ghost town, dammit, have it before that crucial two-week before the holiday astronomical jump in airfares, will you?! Jesus Christ. My head hurt after that phone conversation. Ran it by the other brother later, just in case I was being a horrendous bitch. Between the two of us, we still haven't decided if we are going to get our brother to California or not.

I did feel concerned enough later to think of an appropriate gift I could send to the ghost town so my that my brother & his girlfriend (who doesn't have a car but walks a mile to work, so I'm told) can get the essentials, or if their essentials are covered - something festive, fun, and trendy - HA! Sorry, couldn't hold it in. Anyhow, so I go online to Target's site & punch in the zip code. Nothing happens. Try Walmart. The nearest Walmart is TWENTY-NINE miles from my brother's town. Good Lord. I give up.

Well, sorry for the rant, but it is my blog & you can click away if it offends. For me, it's therapeutic in more ways than one. My fingers are actually warm!

www.ladyalchemy.com

Legion of Boom

Still sifting through family photos & this one just made me laugh out loud, so I figured I'd post it. This is my mom & her baby sister Kathy. My Aunt Kathy is a sweetheart & I can't imagine what would have made her so mad. The look on her face is priceless. I love her. She's becoming more of a second mom to me every day, now that my mom is sick.

Bought The Crystal Method's Legion of Boom yesterday & am completely obsessed with it. Born Too Slow still overshadows the other tracks by far, but I haven't listened to the cd enough times for the other tracks to grow on me yet. Love the video, too. Only one complaint. I play the thing full blast & the silence afterwards is rudely interrupted by that blaring 4 seconds of noise at the end which makes me jump out of my skin. Fuck, that's annoying!

I've been scanning photos for hours. Not a very exciting day. Did some laundry. Daryle came over & picked up a mattress, box spring, and a set of dishes for his new apartment . All stuff I'm not bringing to CA with me. Someone came over to look at the headboard I had advertised on Craig's List. In case you've ever wondered if a full-size headboard will fit in a Tercel, the answer is no. Poor girl drove all the way from Queens, too. She's going to try to borrow a truck.

Camp Freddy Radio has become part of my Saturday night routine. Dave & Billy were still in the studio 40 minutes after their show ended. I hadn't yet switched from the Indie 103.1 site back to Legion of Boom, and they come on the air asking people to call in & pretend it's Christmas. LOL! I was tempted, but nah. I figure if I'm not flirty they'll hang up on me, and if I am flirty I'll get myself in trouble.

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

Daddy's Little Girl

I was just a little bit spoiled. Can you tell? lol. Scanning more photos tonight. Besides scanning photos I have taken, I'm scanning all the family photos & putting them on cds so all the relatives can have a set. Documentation has become so important to me . Anyhow, this is a photo of me & my dad at Christmas time - not sure what year. He was the best. Always had time for me & my friends, always willing to stop what he was doing & play a game, always happy & never annoyed or impatient. He died suddenly when I was twelve. Long story. I miss him. So happy to have found this photo though, and several others like it. They mean so much.

www.ladyalchemy.com

TJ!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Will the wonders of the internet never cease? TJ, girl, I saw ya coming! I had this photo in my hand 2 nights ago & almost scanned it, but I didn't. Now here you are in my inbox & true to form, your incoming mail coincided with AOL booting me offline & then my entire computer freezing up for no apparent reason. What's that clattering sound I hear, the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse? Could be, my friend, could be. How long has it been since we've crossed paths - 10 years, at least? I will send you a proper email tomorrow but for now I'll leave you with this: "TJ, HE'S NOT READING THE BOOK ANYMORE!!!!" And this: I saw Bowie this past spring - front row - and I still wouldn't have been able to say a coherent word to him! OMG, do you have pictures of things I don't remember doing?!?! Send them to me!!! LOL!

You left my Sprouse shirt in the garbage bag on the sidewalk? :( Remember Chris, the girl who went looking for the bag for me? Well, she found me online, too. In fact, I owe her a phone call. I probably shouldn't be rambling like this on my blog, but hey, it's my blog, right?! BTW, your photos of mommies & babies are GORGEOUS! I'm going now & will email you tomorrow.

In a daze over the events that unfolded in Columbus tonight. Deranged fans shooting musicians dead onstage? What the FUCK is this world coming to?! This is so fucking awful. It hits way too close to home. I know so many people who are regularly found on both sides of that barricade at shows. It's just tragic. Holy crap. My condolences to anyone who knew Dimebag Darrel or any of the others killed or injured tonight. Unbelievably sad.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Hollywood Vampires

Excuse me while I go puke. Can this photo be any cuter? I just found it in a box full of old drawings & paintings of mine. Some gig advertising bills were there too - the kind bands would affix to every outdoor flat surface they could find, using a bucket of flour paste & a squeegee. My friends & I used to walk around with box cutters, slicing the ones we wanted off the walls to keep as souvenirs. Came across an L.A. Guns one & GNR at the Limelight, too. I had forgotten all about this photo of me with Phil Lewis, taken at a club in Queens in 1990. My friend left the couch to go to the ladies' room & when she came back he was sitting in her place, handing me a bottle of tequila after just taking a swig himself. The look on my friend's face was PRICELESS! I stood up to take some photos & felt something tugging at the back of my skirt. Look over my shoulder completely confused & Phil's fixing the hem, which must have been wrinkled when I stood up. OMG what a night that was. Us & Jose Cuervo. No, I didn't leave with him - Phil, I mean, not Jose. What is it with these cute British rockers? Anyone know if he's still married? Ok I'm going to shut up now. :P

Going to sort through more stuff in the storage spaces under the roof. Hoping to find my Keith Haring swatch from 1986, as I've just seen an identical one go for $350 on eBay. Not that I would sell mine if it turned up. I'd pop a new battery in it & start wearing it again. Afraid it's long gone, but I'm going to keep looking. Also hunting for my Stephen Spouse red & black leopard print rayon shirt & Sprouse white t-shirt with "God Save NYC" across the front in silver letters. I'm on a mission!

It's been a few hours & I've photographed quite a few of the drawings & paintings I've found, with the intent of adding several galleries to my website. Still in the process of scanning photographs too, and looking forward to putting those galleries up as well. Will not be fully updated until I've moved & settled in on the West Coast, but there will be artistic content on the site soon, I promise!

www.ladyalchemy.com

Sleepy

It's 37 degrees right now and raining. I'm about 5 minutes away from crawling under the blankets. Freezing & my energy level is at rock bottom. No wit, no creativity, no sarcasm. Maybe tomorrow.

At least the photo is colorful, eh? Wish it was warm enough to wear that top right now. Oh, speaking of wishes, I've seen a few holiday wish lists on blogs & think it's a good idea, so here's mine:

Gift Certificates. Sephora, Bed Bath & Beyond, Ikea, Z Gallerie, Target, and the mother of all shopping locales...eBay! Thank you & good night.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Happiness is a Warm Kitty

This is my cousin's cat, Rocky. He's too cute. I want to squish him. Thinking of cats today because I got a call from a friend in Queens who rescues them. She was calling to let me know she received the box of towels I sent for the kitties. Don't ever throw old towels, washcloths, or blankets away. If you're not going to keep them to use as rags, contact your local animal shelter or rescue group & see if they want them. They can give a bit of comfort, softness, and warmth to a sick dog or cat in a cage, or a feral cat colony surviving the winter's cold outdoors. I was told some of the washcloths I sent are being used by 3 week old blind kitten who is afraid to use a litter box. I kid you not. I want to squish him too, when I'm done wiping the tear from my eye.

I love horoscopes. Now get the news van off my lawn. December 5, 2004. Cancer - Daily Overview - Each and every word that exits your lips will be charming, eloquently put and timed perfectly to achieve nothing but smiles from your audience -- i.e., everyone who's lucky enough to be around you. Alert the media.

Must send my eternal gratitude to Kenny for fixing my computer last night & Daryle for helping me with the house painting today. Little by little, things are getting accomplished. It's been a great weekend. Off to write holiday cards...

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

Comments:

You are quite welcome.
Posted by: DLJ December 05, 2004 at 09:29 PM
:)

Posted by: Alchemy December 06, 2004 at 08:37 PM

Alchemy Part 1

Calcination is the first of seven major operations in the alchemy of transformation. Chemically, the calcination process involves heating a substance in a crucible or over an open flame until it is reduced to ashes. Psychologically, this is the destruction of ego & our attachments to material possessions. Calcination is usually a natural humbling process as we are gradually assaulted and overcome by the trials and tribulations of life.

Physiologically, the Fire of Calcination can be experienced as the metabolic discipline or aerobic activity that tunes the body, burning off excesses from overindulgence and producing a lean, mean, fighting machine. In society, the Calcination is expressed in the lives of revolutionaries, conquerers, and other warriors who try to overthrow the status quo. Color is magenta, element is fire, planet is Saturn & metal is lead.

Did a search on "alchemy" and found that info on a website called deep trance now. Overcome by trials & tribulations? Yep, that's me. Three years ago when I was thinking of having a website & wondering what to call it, "Alchemy", followed by "Lady Alchemy" popped into my head, and I kind of said "huh"? It's beginning to make a lot of sense now. How humbling is it to slowly remove every trace of yourself from the house you grew up in (and thought you would raise your children in), in order to sell it - because you're still single & it's too much house, too much property for one person to take care of, and you don't have the money to stay? Very. Burning off the excess... 13 lbs. down, 8 to go - lean & mean. lol. I'm drawing on some kind of warrior spirit. This is a big deal & it's hard. It's a tiny revolution that may not matter to anyone else - or very few people anyway, but I'm fighting, even if it's only my own fear I'm conquering.

John Paras offered me a tattoo as a going away present. I haven't gotten any new ink in years, because my existing tats have blurred & I'm not happy with how they look anymore. I also haven't really had any major life-altering events happen that have made me want to modify my body in quite some time. This is it. Right now. This is life-altering. For a while I have been thinking, if I did get a new tat, it would be a symbol for silver (Cancer Moon Child thing), but I may have to start with the above symbol for lead.

Yay, a new tattoo! I'm excited. Hair's going to change soon, too. I can see it coming. Hey, if I have to remove the personality from the house, it's got to escape somewhere, right? ;)

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

Nice Hat!!

I'll tell ya, if it isn't Scott Weiland copying my silver pants, it's Dave Navarro with the leopard cowboy hat. I wore that hat in 2001! I have pictures to prove it! What's a girl to do to keep from wearing the same outfits as the boys? Wearing skirts won't help. LOL. Honestly, I can't wait to get to L.A. & soak up the glitter-glam-androgyny. For me it feels almost like NYC circa 1989 all over again. I love it. No picture of Dave Navarro, sorry. I haven't taken one yet.

Regarding today's picture, would you let me in your office? I bring my own caution tape. I've also been known to climb on the furniture, and make phone calls & type email messages while crouched on top of the desk. Don't ask. Really. I once walked into a place for a job interview & the manager asked me to wait a moment. He stepped into the next room & while I looked at the photos on the wall, I overheard him dial the phone & say "I'd like to report a homicide". Then he left me standing in the lobby & told me when the reporters called, I was to say I had no comment. I stayed there 2 years. Office jobs suck.

Just heard the new Motley Crue song, what's it called, If I Die Tomorrow or something? Bottom line, Tommy Lee is still hot, Vince Neil still looks like Jon Lovitz, and the song would be good if the vocals weren't so fucking weak. Shout at the devil, my ass. Shout at the fucking bastards for releasing such a disappointment. Meh.

My friend John Paras cordially invited me to his annual Christmas party the other night. Thank you, John! I can't wait. Hmm, have to think of an idea for an ornament. Can't get in the door without one, and it has to be homemade. And it has to be impressive, because John's an extremely talented artist of the flesh. He just opened a new shop on East 7th Street near Avenue A in New York City. Lower East Side, baby. God I'm going to miss the City! Anyhow, go visit & get a tattoo! Tell him Lady Alchemy sent you! Nice website, too. http://www.medusanyc.com Did I mention the catering at the party is always out of this world?! I'm getting hungry just thinking about it.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Luminous

A friend was asking me recently how I choose colors to bring out the light in my paintings. This painting came to mind but at the time I wasn't sure where it was. Amazing what you find when packing for a move! Anyhow, this was done for school & the assignment was to paint something that appears luminous. I thought of a butterfly's wings with their bright, metallic sheen. This was as close as I could come at the time & I think I did pretty well. Two factors were at work here: placing tiny dots of similar hues directly next to each other so the eye is fooled into alternately blending & separating them (or maybe my eyes are just screwed up - lol), and using an overall complimentary color scheme (purple & blue & black vs. yellow & orange & white) to make it all pop. Now back to packing...

The realtor was here. Nice guy. Big Judas Priest, Metallica, and Aerosmith fan. I've given him my email address, so he may be here as well - hi Mike! Well, we've decided to list the house in January. In the meantime, I need to put in a lot more effort to make it look presentable. 50 years of accumulated family clutter takes a long time to clear out. Add in my own personal clutter - oh yes, I've inherited the pack rat gene - and the neglect that happens to a house on a tight budget with an Alzheimer's patient & her caretaker daughter in residence, and you've got a bit of tidying up to do. Mike should have seen the house before! lol.

Holy crap, it's December 1st already. I've got 22 days to get this place in order before flying out to CA for the holidays. Painting party, anyone?

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/