If You See My Mother...

...tell her that I love her. My brother won't let me speak to her. He & I just had an absolute screaming match on the phone. I'm not allowed on his property & he's furious that I won't give him my new address. I have not seen a penny yet from the sale of the house & now he is demanding that it is in my "best interest" to get together any & all receipts showing money I put into the house. Meanwhile, he is fighting the $6000 in receipts I already gave him. This is so, so bad. I just paced the apartment for the past 20 minutes like a caged animal. I really think I'm going to lose it.

This is how it happens. This is how people go postal. This is how they snap. This is why people change their identities & cut all ties with their families. I never understood that before, and sadly, I've judged people for it in the past. Now I understand. My brother told me he thinks the money I put into the house should be something nice I did for my mother. I would love to be financially able to do that, but I went into debt making those repairs & improvements. The credit card companies don't care how nice I am to my mother. They just want me to pay them.
This is such a fucking mess. I'm trying really hard not to be utterly despondent. I'm talking to people & plan to get to a meeting by Saturday at the latest.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Comments:

I know I have said this a few times already, but I have to say it again. WHAT IN HOLY FUCK IS GOING ON????
Posted by: Daryle April 03, 2005 at 08:22 PM

I wish I knew.
Posted by: Alchemy April 08, 2005 at 11:22 PM

Where Is Everyone Today?

Probably out enjoying the sunshine, which is what I should be doing. I'll go for a walk in a little bit. Haven't heard back from the Suicide Girls as to the date of my interview, so I'm trying not to think about it. Patience. Someday I'll have some. Continuing to unpack & got rid of a lot of empty boxes today. I can actually see the kitchen wall again!

Going to the Napster promotion on Sunset tonight. Maybe I'll win something, or at least get some free coffee! Thinking ahead to some shows I would like to see & Queens of the Stone Age come to mind, as well as The Mars Volta. Unfortunately both shows are sold out, but maybe I'll get lucky.

Is anyone out there? Quick! Name me your five favorite books.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Comments:

Ack! Off the top of my head- Geek Love, The Alienist, The Stand, The Books Of Blood, The entire run of Neil Gaiman's "Sandman". OK?
Posted by: King Cack March 30, 2005 at 06:48 PM

Better than ok! I have to pick up some Neil Gaiman now. I keep hearing his name mentioned but haven't gotten around to reading any of his books.
Posted by: Alchemy March 30, 2005 at 11:53 PM

Native Son, Black Boy, X-Men, Spiderman, Daredevil.
Okay so what if the last three are comic books!
Posted by: Daryle April 07, 2005 at 09:36 PM

LOL! You boys & your comic books!
Posted by: Alchemy April 08, 2005 at 11:23 PM

Daryle! there’s so much better stuff than the X-Men! For cryin’ out loud they’ve got 20 current books out on the shelf. They don’t love you, they just want your money! Pick up LEGEND, by Howard Chaykin. The 1st 2 issues are out now. It’s got a high price (5.95), but it’s so worth it! And hey, to everyone who’s never picked up a comic? Go buy and read the first volume of what became the movie of the year....SIN CITY! You won’t be disappointed!
Posted by: King Cack April 14, 2005 at 12:04 PM

If You Agree With This, Just Look at Me and Say Yes

Is this a fucking cool shot or what?! Yeah, I know, the censorship makes it totally lame, but I'm afraid of getting thrown off TypePad. LOL. Sent a few pics to the Suicide Girls site yesterday (Easter Sunday), and they got back to me today requesting an interview!!!! Wow, that was quick!! WOOO HOOO!!! I'm really excited. Could be career suicide or could be a really great opportunity. All depends on how I choose to work it. I think it's going to be awesome. Gives me access to a much larger audience for showcasing my paintings & photography, allows me to network with a whole new set of people, and nourishes the inner attention monger. Maybe if I'm really lucky, I'll get to shoot with Lithium Picnic & Apnea someday. I'm just really excited & I'm already story boarding photo sets in my head.

On the downside, unpacking has become a real chore. I have far too many things & need to clear some stuff out. I've got packing materials everywhere, too. Had no problems getting rid of boxes at Craig's List, but no one wants the used newspapers - even the SPCA didn't return my call. Eeeww.

This Pat O'Brien message thing is cracking me up. http://www.screenhead.com/funny/pat_obrien_coked_n_horny.wma

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

Comments:

HAHAHA! I just realized I left the fashion model's pic alone & didn't get in trouble, so I guess I didn't have to censor the one of me. Oh well!
Posted by: Alchemy March 28, 2005 at 03:21 PM

Not that I was required to or anything, but I have never seen you naked before! I would have figured that somewhere among all the debauchery I would have, but nah. I DEFINITELY didn't know you were going to try for SG! You know already one of the girls in my group is on the site, right? I think I told you that because she needed a photographer at one point. Still does should you come back this way. :)
Damn, now I HAVE to subscribe!
Posted by: Daryle April 03, 2005 at 08:26 PM

Art Modeling 101

Posed for a photographer yesterday. I was a bit nervous but it was a fun shoot & he captured some images I absolutely LOVE. This is one of my favorites.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Comments:

Um...where are your clothes? Shoes don't count.
Posted by: King Cack March 29, 2005 at 08:31 AM

LOL! Well, do you like the photo? I'm fine with it, but your opinion counts, as do the opinions of the rest of my friends.
Posted by: Alchemy March 29, 2005 at 12:12 PM

Hey! I remember that tattoo!!Great pic!
Posted by: tigger4will April 08, 2005 at 10:58 AM

Hey you! Thanks! I'm having email trouble - only to aol & sbsglobal people - grr. I'll email you as soon as it gets fixed!
Posted by: Alchemy April 08, 2005 at 11:26 PM

Happy Ostara

Spring is finally here. Yeah, I know, I live in L.A. now & have managed to escape the cold Northeastern weather. Still, it's been a long & brutal winter for me. Time for renewal & shedding of skin. Here's to new beginnings.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Comments:

i'm over here on the other end of this counrtyhoping for nothing but warm spring days to ease that cold out of your bones
be well
Posted by: teajay March 25, 2005 at 07:20 AM

Aww, thank you, TJ. I'll be ok. Do you think you might head this way at some point? It would be nice to see you again & make some new photos together...find some open doors...explore a few rooftops...lol.
Posted by: Alchemy March 26, 2005 at 12:04 AM

Peace & Porn

Where could one see 20,000 people protesting & Ron Jeremy on the same day? Only in Hollywood.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Over the Rainbow?

It's raining & would be a perfect day to stay in & watch movies. Too bad I don't have the Wizard of Oz dvd. It's one of my favorite movies ever & it's on my mind today. They had a huge video screen at the Marc Jacobs store opening party last night & I waited for the video loop to go around again so I could capture this shot. Where's Glinda when I need her? Hmmm...

Had an unexpected phone call this morning from my sister-in-law, saying they can't sleep at night & she wants to see everything worked out between me and my brother. I've got a heap of resentment within me right now, but the phone call is an encouraging start. We'll see.

So anyway, back to the Marc Jacobs party. For an entire block, one lane of Melrose Avenue was reserved for staging the valet parking. The tv & still cameras lined up against the barricades & the arriving guests paraded by, some unnoticed & others greeted with shouts & camera flashes. It was cool but kind of weird to see Perry Farrell being interviewed right next to Tori Spelling. Jared Leto wound up standing right next to me at one point - my god he's hot. Is there a My So-Called Life dvd box set? Hmm. His band sounds pretty good, too. Mental note to go check them out at some point. Maybe they'll get on a bill with The Panic Channel. That would rock. Oh, I saw Billy Morrison on his way into the party, too, and got a photo of him walking in with Marilyn Monroe on the video screen behind him. Too surreal. I love this city!

After the Marc Jacobs thing last night, I went to the Parlour to see my friends' band called the Secret Society of the Sonic Six. Avant garde. I liked them. The look was a John Waters vibe, Kenneth Anger films playing on the monitor, red painted walls, chandeliers, candles, and the delightfully gothic Ms. Ivanka. I honestly cannot describe the sound. Don Bowles from The Germs hosted the night, and although I had never met him before, I felt like I was looking at an old friend from my NYC days. Did I mention I love this city?

www.ladyalchemy.com

Fashion Week

It's Fashion Week in L.A. & last night I attended a couple of runway shows at the Pacific Design Center. It was a lot of fun & the scene looks a lot different up close as opposed to seeing it on tv or in magazines. Backstage was an amazing flurry of activity involving lots of makeup brushes, hairspray, gorgeous models, shoes everywhere, bags of swag, and endless racks of clothing. Photographing the models was a nice change of pace for me & similar in some ways to shooting musicians on a stage. Fingers crossed that I get to go to more fashion shows this week. I could get used to this real fast.

After the shows, a friend & I went to a lesbian bar to see if we could get part time work. I hate to say it, but I found out something about myself last night. I don't want to work in a place where I have to look at unattactive people all the time. I know that sounds terrible, but the women coming out of that place were downright scary. Like absolutely no makeup, no sense of clothing or hair styles, and the kicker was the lady who walked in dragging an oxygen tank behind her. Sorry, but no. We moved on. Now if the clientele looked anything like the women pictured above, it would be a different story entirely!

Off to make some phone calls - the moving truck broke down in the Midwest & STILL has not arrived! Mapping out a game plan of barhopping for the next few nights. I've got to find some bartending work right away, as it doesn't look like recouping my expenses from the sale of the house is going to be an easy task.

http://www.ladyalchemy.com/

Comments:

OMG I just saw myself on Wire Image.
Posted by: Alchemy March 15, 2005 at 12:37 PM

What The hell is wire image? And thank you, so much, for leaving the boob visible.
Posted by: King Cack March 17, 2005 at 07:13 PM

You're so very welcome. Wire Image is an online stock photo agency that shoots all kinds of events. I saw myself in the background of some of the shots of that fashion show the other night.
Posted by: Alchemy March 18, 2005 at 10:46 PM

Boob girl...Is that my future wife Helena Christensen?
Posted by: Daryle March 19, 2005 at 04:01 PM

Erm...could be? I'm not up on my models.
Posted by: Alchemy March 20, 2005 at 02:06 AM

7 Days in L.A.

Woo hoo!! Today was my seventh day living in Los Angeles, and so far I LOVE it! Photo is Astar & Michael last night at a benefit show. I need to squish them both (and Pando! hey, where are my pictures??) for listening to me ramble on. My friends. It was an amazing night. Really. Gene Loves Jezebel provided the music & there was also a silent auction that raised $35,000 for a nursery school. I bid on - and won - an awesome slip dress, too. Thinking of finally meeting Astar face to face (and finding out she is just as cool as I thought from her posts!), and seeing Michael again after a year & a half (where does the time go???) is bringing a smile to my face right now.

Spent today with my mom. Picked her up this morning at my brother's (he wouldn't even look at me) house & brought her back to L.A. to show her around. It was a great day. We were both really happy to see each other, she loved my new neighborhood & apartment, and my cat was all freaked out to see her again. He obviously remembered her, since he didn't run away, but he walked up to her very slowly & wide-eyed staring up at her face - yeah, I cried. I'm tearing up again now. I'm such a dork.

Anyhow, I took her out to lunch & we drove around for a while & had a great time. I was going to take her to the mall, but when we got into the parking lot I happened to look over & she was asleep in the passenger seat, so we decided to call it a day. She has changed even since the holidays. When I pulled into the driveway waving she didn't react until I got out of the car & walked over to her, and then she wanted to know whose car I was driving (mine - same car for the past 5 years). At the apartment she wanted to wash her hands & had to ask me how to turn the faucet on. This disease (Alzheimer's) is so devastating. Thinking about it is enough to push one over the edge. So I don't think. I just turn on the faucet like I would for a child. Just make her feel as safe & happy & loved as I possibly can.

I drove mom back to my brother's house & had to hug her in the doorway after being informed by my sister-in-law I'm no longer allowed in their home. Why? Well, after my last post regarding the Power of Attorney, I got in my car in New Jersey at 5pm on Friday & arrived in California at 10am Monday (yes, 3 days later) - driving on pure adrenaline & completely pissed off. 2892 miles. I stayed over at a motel from midnight to 10am once along the way, so you do the math. Drove straight to my apartment, unloaded the car, and drove another 75 miles to my brother's house where I had it out with him, he admitted to doing no wrong, would not answer me as to why he put me out on the street, and I told him he doesn't have a sister anymore. Apparently, in my sister-in-law's world, anyone who would yell at her brother for committing such heinous acts as he has done recently, is no longer worthy to step across the threshold. You know, I'm Wiccan & have been for quite some time, yet I still believe there is a special place in Hell for my brother's wife. She can take her threshold & shove it up her ass. Here's my new prediction. They get the check, they pack their things along with mom & her passport, and everyone goes bye-bye to Thailand where it will be nearly impossible to find them.

Oh, I need me some witches. Not black magic, mind you. Justice, baby. Hmm, where could I find me some witches...

www.ladyalchemy.com

Powerless

The real estate attorney called me this morning to tell me my brother has successfully revoked my Power of Attorney. He (the attorney) feels awful about this and has been kind enough to offer to try & recoup my expenses for me right off the top of the proceeds of the sale. I'm off to Kinko's to copy the receipts & invoices I've been carrying around in my car. I'll present them to the lawyer, pick up my copy of the new Power of Attorney, and be on my way. There's a new life waiting for me in L.A. I'm sure, I just have to go there & get it. Shame I no longer have an immediate family to share it with.

Somehow, I am still sane and still clean & sober. I don't know how or why.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Comments:

This shite pisses me off. Call me when you get there.
Posted by: Daryle March 06, 2005 at 04:38 PM

(((huggs,really big ones))))Ill be checking in on you til lu get here..anything i can do?
Posted by: Astar March 06, 2005 at 06:26 PM

You are what you are because you believe in yourself and what you do. The alternatives are ugly and devestating. We love you. Keep us posted. Hug a kitty and a monkey.
Posted by: King Cack March 07, 2005 at 09:14 AM

Still Waiting

No news today, just more waiting. I don't know if the appointment with the lawyer in California happened today or not. I'm fantasizing that my mom had a moment of clarity and outright refused to sign anything. I'm also fantasizing of beating my brother to a bloody pulp with my bare hands. He managed to get mom's social security checks re-routed to his address without telling me, leaving the joint account she & I have with a negative balance, as an insurance premium was charged to it today and the s.s. check which would have been directly deposited today never arrived. I was going to change that over anyhow, as the check needs to stay with her since it is no longer needed to pay property taxes on the house. Point is that my brother made the change without even telling me & with no regard to the effect that change has on any other bills connected with that account. He also doesn't seem to care that he has basically put me out on the street as well. Bastard.

Here's my prediction & for my mother's sake, I hope I'm wrong. I'll give it one year before my brother's wife decides she's had enough of the role of primary caregiver, and enough of my brother. She'll divorce him, take off with half his share of my mother's money, and leave him to take care of his house, his business, and my mom. Of course mom will be unable to go into a nursing home because neither of my brothers will have set aside the money for it. I suppose at that point my phone will ring. I was planning to set that money aside right now - right off the top of the sale. My brother is doing everything in his power to make sure that doesn't happen. I wish I knew why. This whole situation makes me sick.

www.ladyalchemy.com

So It's Come to This

I'm not in a good place. Somewhere akin to a forest grey & smoldering after a huge fire. Mentally, I mean. Physically, I'm safe in the house of loved ones, typing on a borrowed keyboard. Most of my possessions are in a moving truck on the way to Los Angeles. The remaining items are in my car, packed so tightly that nothing shifts nor rattles as I drive. The house my dad & grandfathers built is empty and abandoned. Papers that should have been signed Monday have not been drawn up yet, and my hand may not sign them at all. Tomorrow my brother will bring our mother to an attorney's office in California with the intent of having her sign a document revoking my Power of Attorney, and placing that power in his hands. Mom is confused & thinks my brother is being helpful by making this change - since he is in California & I am all the way across the country. I tried to explain to her yesterday that my brother's actions have forced the closing to be delayed, are forcing me to stay in New Jersey, and that I am living out of my car. She doesn't understand & can't imagine why her son would do such a thing. Nor can I.

My brother intends to obtain Power of Attorney & then follow my mom's wishes for distribution of the funds, which allocates zero dollars for nursing home care. I pray she doesn't sign those papers tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen to her, to me, to any of us. My relationship with my brother & his wife is over. That much I know. Not only has he sat idly while I cleared the house, painted it, packed & moved everything by myself, and went into debt doing it - now he has stabbed me in the back as well.

I wasn't going to write any of this here. It's too personal, too painful, and may end up in a courtroom. However, it is my life. I refuse to retreat into isolation & if this is what's going on, then this is what I'm going to write about. Isolation kills. If you've got prayers, please send them. Looking forward to the day when I can be less of a drama queen. Really. I must have been a fucking horrible person in a past life or something, because I've been given more than my share of fucked up life experiences. Ok, I'm going to stop rambling now.

Off to bed, then wake up tomorrow & wait for a phone call telling me if I can leave this place. If she signs, there is no reason for me to stay.

www.ladyalchemy.com

Comments:

oh my god!I totally thought you were here,I should have called!listen,you are a PHENOMINAL person..not a DRAMA QUEEN at all!I cant beleive all this has happened,I will definatly ,pray,pray and pray!!(((huggs ))) and more (((huggs)))
Posted by: Astar March 03, 2005 at 10:46 AM