I'm not in a good place. Somewhere akin to a forest grey & smoldering after a huge fire. Mentally, I mean. Physically, I'm safe in the house of loved ones, typing on a borrowed keyboard. Most of my possessions are in a moving truck on the way to Los Angeles. The remaining items are in my car, packed so tightly that nothing shifts nor rattles as I drive. The house my dad & grandfathers built is empty and abandoned. Papers that should have been signed Monday have not been drawn up yet, and my hand may not sign them at all. Tomorrow my brother will bring our mother to an attorney's office in California with the intent of having her sign a document revoking my Power of Attorney, and placing that power in his hands. Mom is confused & thinks my brother is being helpful by making this change - since he is in California & I am all the way across the country. I tried to explain to her yesterday that my brother's actions have forced the closing to be delayed, are forcing me to stay in New Jersey, and that I am living out of my car. She doesn't understand & can't imagine why her son would do such a thing. Nor can I.
My brother intends to obtain Power of Attorney & then follow my mom's wishes for distribution of the funds, which allocates zero dollars for nursing home care. I pray she doesn't sign those papers tomorrow. I don't know what is going to happen to her, to me, to any of us. My relationship with my brother & his wife is over. That much I know. Not only has he sat idly while I cleared the house, painted it, packed & moved everything by myself, and went into debt doing it - now he has stabbed me in the back as well.
I wasn't going to write any of this here. It's too personal, too painful, and may end up in a courtroom. However, it is my life. I refuse to retreat into isolation & if this is what's going on, then this is what I'm going to write about. Isolation kills. If you've got prayers, please send them. Looking forward to the day when I can be less of a drama queen. Really. I must have been a fucking horrible person in a past life or something, because I've been given more than my share of fucked up life experiences. Ok, I'm going to stop rambling now.
Off to bed, then wake up tomorrow & wait for a phone call telling me if I can leave this place. If she signs, there is no reason for me to stay.
www.ladyalchemy.com
Comments:
oh my god!I totally thought you were here,I should have called!listen,you are a PHENOMINAL person..not a DRAMA QUEEN at all!I cant beleive all this has happened,I will definatly ,pray,pray and pray!!(((huggs ))) and more (((huggs)))
Posted by: Astar March 03, 2005 at 10:46 AM
